An Open Letter to the Flu

Dear Influenza,

Listen, man.  We’ve had this talk before.  I know that you have a job to do.  But for the love of God, could you PLEASE just tag everyone all at once?  When five people (three of whom are proverbial crop dusters of drool and snot) live under the same roof, it is both cruel and unusual for you to invade one person at a time.  In the future, if you wish to spend time with us, it would be appreciated if you could limit your infestations to two:  one for myself, so I know what we’re dealing with, and a second for everyone else at the same, damn time, so that I may tend to them and be rid of you once and for all.


Sick of being sick and tending to sick people.


This is Day 7 of our flu marathon.  I am exhausted, hence my brilliant invention I posted earlier today.  Not only did I get hit with the bug myself, I have also been primary caretaker to my fellow sicklings, one… after… the… other… after… the… snooooore.

First Emma got sick.  It was…well, it was horrifying.  It was like, The Exorcist level horrifying.  Her vomit…it was like nothing I’ve ever seen before or wish to ever see again.  Okay, so apparently I needed to talk it out.  Sorry.

Then Emma got better.  Then Ruby got sick.  Then Emma’s symptoms resurfaced.  Then they were sick together.

Poor little kiddles.  Then Ruby got better.  Then I got sick.  Then Chris.  Then Emma got a runny nose.  Then Ruby got sick again.  Then Ben.  Then Ben seemed to get better.  Then Emma and Ben got diarrhea.  Oh, and you don’t have to say anything…YOU’RE WELCOME for the details.

She's gross.

Thanks for the back-up, Ben.  Sheesh.

It’s really just unfair.  During this whole adventure, I have barely been sleeping at night because so-and-so needs this and so-and-so needs that.  You know the deal.  So I have been too exhausted to do anything other than what is absolutely mandatory.  Like, mandatory by law.  (I’m so tired!)

Then, on top of my general exhaustion, when someone is sick every day, we don’t go outside, do crafts, visit with people, or basically do anything (particularly if you ask Ruby who has used the word “bored” this week more than the sum total of the rest of her life.)

For example, here are a few snapshots of the exciting week we’ve been having.

Craft time before the flu was all sparkles, pipe cleaners and finger paints.  During flu-week, this is craft time.

Yeah, why don’t you just scribble on a paper, I’ll cut a couple holes in it, you hold it on your face and we’ll call it a mask.  Nice one.

Snack time before the flu was all apples, cheese melted on crackers and lightly buttered popcorn.  This is snack time during flu-week.

What’s that one-year-old?  You’re hungry?  Let me just unwrap this chocolate for you.  Go to town.

Before the flu, for play time we would play chutes and ladders, play with toys or play dress-up.  During flu-week play time goes more like this.

Put on the same sunglasses.  Fun, right?

And finally, before the flu, discipline meant a time out.  During flu-week, here’s how I teach the kids right from wrong.

Emma!  Are you dumping the last drops of that gingerale on the floor?  SAY CHEESE!


To say I am exhausted is like saying the Pacific is “damp.”  But tomorrow is another day, it’s supposed to be nice and warm out, AND Chris is off.  So regardless of who’s feeling what, we should all be able to get outside for a good long breath of fresh, non-barf-scented air.

Just what the doctor ordered.  If I’m the doctor.  I’m too tired to do this whole metaphor thing.

Good night,



14 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Flu

  1. I don’t know how you remember who got what and when. That’s impressive.

    PS. Ben is deadly in those sun glasses.

  2. Oh man, I had no idea… and then I asked for that favour. What a jerk sister I am. I know what you mean about being exhausted, kind of. I only had to look after two sick people and I needed a week-long vacation after that! All I can say is I hope everyone is on the mend soon and that mom gets a day off (nice idea, eh?)!

      1. I know. I was going to say that Mother’s Day is coming up, but that really doesn’t mean a thing either… in terms of a day off. Wonk wonk. It’s okay, it’s only another 17 years or so…

  3. If you can blog like that being all tired and sick and such, you have just raised the bar for healthy well rested blogging!

  4. We may very well be neighbours. Do you live just over than rise to the north? Kira was vomitting on Saturday, and sleeping through the day. She’s had diarrhea ever since. I’ve been feeling like crap (I fell asleep on the couch last night at 8pm and was done for the night) and Ally’s been complaining that she feels sick. No medicine until something comes out an end though! I don’t want any pity-sickness.

  5. You tell that flu bug! The flu is a bastard bitchmonkey who really REALLY needs a take-down. If only we weren’t all so incapacitated by illness to do anything about it.

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