The Most Important Meal of the Day

Wow.  It’s been a while.  And I swear, I keep trying to get back into this whole blogging thing, but I keep writing these gargantuan posts about HUGE ideas, that surprisingly, go nowhere.  I’ll keep them in the works, but man, it’s been getting a little heavy up in here.

So I thought, maybe it’s time for a little mindless fun.

Here, in our neck of the woods, winter is going down with a fight.  Don’t get me wrong, I love winter.  I really do.  But come mid-March, the idea of trading in snowsuits for sunscreen actually makes me salivate.  Picture yourself.  You’re on your knees, stuffed into the small space by your door leading outside.  The gateway between the infernal stuffiness of the indoors, and a massive, unconfined space. You have three excited, small children falling all over each other with one goal in mind: Doorsmosis.  One is holding your hair for support.  The other opens the door and lets the indoor cat, out.  Another has just decided this would be a great time to pee.  An unidentified foot is asking you to put it’s appropriate outdoor covering on it, while a snotty hand mistakes your face for a great resting spot.  Now, in that state, what looks more appealing to you, in terms of preparation to vacate the premises?


They are literally wearing 1000 pieces of clothing, each.
They are literally wearing 1000 pieces of clothing, each.

…or this?IMG_3082

And to think I once complained about how annoying it is to apply sunscreen.

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Fruity Crumble Bars of Amazingness

Okay.  So once upon a time there was this blog called F-Words and let me just tell you…it was a fantastic food blog.  Yeah…remember when I used to post recipes on here?  I’m not sure what happened bake stand but it could have something to do with the bake stand fact that I haven’t been feeling too inspired since the bake stand lately.  But either way, I felt inspired yesterday because I quit the bake stand and made these delicious little bars AND I remembered to take a picture because I’m not preoccupied by the bake stand.

I feel like I need to get something off my chest I hated doing the bake stand, but I just can’t think of what it was.

…and I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no peanut butter cookies.

Oh, now I remember.  I HATED DOING THE BAKE STAND!  I’d do my day with the kids (I have three kids under four – it’s not exactly a walk in the park – unless we go for a walk in the park that day, then I suppose it is exactly a walk in the park, but you get what I’m driving at here), then I spent EVERY NIGHT alternating between baking and BEGGING for sleep.  Then at the end of all that, I got to stand there, at the market, and watch all of my hard work melt in the sweltering heat, sweating like a fiend.  Then the icing on the cake (pun intended) was that I ended up making a cool $30 profit every week.  I know, it sounds spectacular, but it wasn’t.

I actually ended up going to a therapy session because of the stress of it all (combined with the financial horror that is my bank account), where my therapist said, “But you can bake in the day time can’t you?”  And I was frankly, just too stunned to answer.  I finally said, “A greater woman than myself could probably do it, but I’d end up putting a kid in the oven or making some other horrifying mistake.”  I started going into this huge defensive rant, then realized, this woman has no idea what the f*@k goes on in my house so maybe I should I rethink this whole asking her to therapize my BRAIN thing?!?!?!

Anyway…I have another appointment in 2 weeks.

Back to the bars.  Hey, that sounds like a movie or something.

Back to the Bars – The Lora Banks Story.  A chilling tale of a mother gone mad, searching for meaning in life in the bottom of every whiskey sour she can find in this 3 bar town.

Okay for real, back to the bars.

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California Salad (Dude)

What’s up brah?  I was chillin’ at Loblaws the other day and was totally stoked to peep this bitchin’ salad, so I hopped on my longboard and was totally hot-doggin’ it to the homestead to make my own.  Yeah…I know it’s totally bogus to snake someone else’s recipe, but since this recipe belongs to the man, I thought to myself, “Relax dude…it’s yours for the taking.”

Anyway, in English (and Less-Annoying), I saw this salad called a California Salad, so I went home and made my own.

It’s delicious. It’s beautiful.  And like most things in my life, it looks like it’s a lot more work than it is.  So if you’re having guests over, it’s a great salad to make, because it looks like you slaved away, when really it takes about 10 minutes to throw together.  (Sorry to shatter the illusion Heidi and Gord).

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Lora Banks: EntrepreNERD

Oh, hi there.  I’m sorry…you were looking for, Lora?  She’s gone now…and has been replaced by a savvy business woman!

I kid.  I haven’t completely sold out…but my bake stand did!  Yesterday was my first day at the farmer’s market and it went really, really well.

There’s me.  I took a shower and everything.  I’m a serious business lady now.

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Stressed? Me? No! I always have a rash on my face and my hair falls out in clumps.

OMG.  I don’t know WHY I get myself into these situations…but here I am, in another one.

I got a stand at our local farmer’s market to sell my baked goods.   IDIOT!

Not only have I never sold baked goods before…I also have this little thing I like to call THREE KIDS!  What the heck was I thinking?  Anyway, I’m in it now and I just have to deal with it.

So, today we went out and bought everything I need to get started.  Like EVERYTHING…from all the ingredients to a tent to cover us.  And I have to say, in case you hadn’t heard…spending money is fun!

So now, I sit here, pumped full of adrenaline from shopping, with a side of buyer’s remorse and a heaping load of stress on top of it all.  I am actually smiling maniacally, typing away like Jack in The Shining.  And at the same time,  I kind of feel like if someone touched me right now, my skin would burst open and a ninja would pop out and Bruce Lee them to bits.  No, strange street drugs was not on my shopping list…why do you ask?

Anyway, in the coming weeks I’ll be posting lots about the things I make for the market, but there may just be a random picture thrown on with no explanation.  This will be because I’ve gone crazy.  But, hey, if you’re in the area come by!  I don’t bite.  Although, by then…maybe I will.

Signed, only temporarily insane,


P.S. I actually do have a rash on my face and my hair is falling out.  I’m going to the doctor to get it looked at.  Prognosis:  A severe case of biting-off-more-than-one-can-chew.  Prescription: A week off…in Mexico!  Who’s with me?

Coconut Mango Cake

Okay.  I don’t want this post to be clouded by your self-loathing for never having thought of this yourself.  After a few days of major soul searching, I have come to terms with it myself, and suggest you do the same.  So let’s begin with a little self-affirmation.  Repeat after me:

“I can’t think of everything.  I am human, and humans are erred by nature.  Everyone has different talents, thinking of the most genius thing EVER is not one of mine, and that, is okay.  I forgive myself.”

Do not move on to the following sentence without having a full sense of peace.  Take a deep breath, and read the following GENIUS two words.

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Roasted Plum and Goat Cheese Salad

So the other day I was updating my “Recipes” page on my blog, when I realized it looks like 90% of my diet consists of cookies, brownies, cakes and cupcakes.  This, I can assure you, is not the case, but this funny thing always happens at meal time.

How do I describe it best?  Let’s see…oh yes.  I feel kind of like King Kong, toward the end of the movie…when he’s hanging on to the Empire States Building and the planes are attacking him.

The guy just wants to save his dignity and his damn soul mate…give him some space.  Instead, all of these planes start diving at him, trying to shoot him or knock him off or whatever, and what was previously a safe, stable situation, is suddenly death defying.  Yeah, that’s how I feel about making dinner.

I’m balancing pots and pans, stirring with both hands and pouring juice with my right foot.  And while I’m doing this, toys are flying everywhere, and the kids are running around screaming trying to get me to lay a verdict on who’s doll is who’s.  Then, by the time I get everything on the table and sit down to eat, I can’t switch out of that rushy-rushy-hurry-uppy mode, and I scarf all of my food down before I can even look at it, let alone take a picture of it.

That’s why I rarely post the food I make for dinner.  You see, there’s never a rush on baking.  I guess that’s why I love it so much.  I do it at night when the kids are in bed, or in the day while they’re watching a movie or whatever.  No one’s hungry, no one’s crazy, no one’s bugging me and there’s plenty of time for a food-o-shoot.  Not dinner though.

Well…today that all changes.

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