The Most Important Meal of the Day

Wow.  It’s been a while.  And I swear, I keep trying to get back into this whole blogging thing, but I keep writing these gargantuan posts about HUGE ideas, that surprisingly, go nowhere.  I’ll keep them in the works, but man, it’s been getting a little heavy up in here.

So I thought, maybe it’s time for a little mindless fun.

Here, in our neck of the woods, winter is going down with a fight.  Don’t get me wrong, I love winter.  I really do.  But come mid-March, the idea of trading in snowsuits for sunscreen actually makes me salivate.  Picture yourself.  You’re on your knees, stuffed into the small space by your door leading outside.  The gateway between the infernal stuffiness of the indoors, and a massive, unconfined space. You have three excited, small children falling all over each other with one goal in mind: Doorsmosis.  One is holding your hair for support.  The other opens the door and lets the indoor cat, out.  Another has just decided this would be a great time to pee.  An unidentified foot is asking you to put it’s appropriate outdoor covering on it, while a snotty hand mistakes your face for a great resting spot.  Now, in that state, what looks more appealing to you, in terms of preparation to vacate the premises?

This?

They are literally wearing 1000 pieces of clothing, each.
They are literally wearing 1000 pieces of clothing, each.

…or this?IMG_3082

And to think I once complained about how annoying it is to apply sunscreen.

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Thanks WordAds. Thanks a billion(th of a penny per impression).

So, as you may or may not remember, about a month ago I was approved for an ad program called WordAds to make a little money on my blog.  Come to think of it, I think I only mentioned it on Facebook, not on my actual blog.  Anyway, that old lady you see in the bathtub at the end of most of my posts is one of those ads.

I searched high and low, including talking directly to WordPress (the creators of the program) to find out how much one could stand to make from uglying up one’s blog with ads.  I got a few different answers, but the most definitive was that the subscribers are paid per “impression.”  This means that when someone loads the page, or a new page and a new ad is displayed I get paid for it.  No clicking on the ad required.

At this news I got pretty excited.  So I poured it on and was able to get about 90 hits a day.  I thought maybe this could make me some money.  And did it ever!  In one month I made….get ready…

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First Pair of Different-Aged Conjoined Siblings Found in Banks’ Residence!

Look out biology enthusiasts.  We’ve got a new phenomenon on our hands.

Ruby and Emma Banks, at 19-months apart, are the world’s first pair of different-aged conjoined siblings.

Siblings Ruby (aged 4) and Emma (aged 2.75) may appear to be just two, normal sisters wearing their mother’s (stretchy-not-huge) pajama pants, but this is simply not the case.

If you were to strip away those forced, cheesy smiles, you might find a scene like the one portrayed in this next chilling photo, to be the more common case.

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Crafty Little Buggers

This morning I set the kids up to do a craft, which involved paint, picture frames and father’s day.  I don’t want to give away any secrets in case Chris reads this.  We’re good with secrets around here.  If you’re looking for tips, here’s how Ruby kept her Father’s Day crafts a secret.

Secret Keeping Tactic Part 1:  Saying, “Dad, today we’re going to do a craft for…Mother’s Day, NOT Father’s Day, okay?”

Secret Keeping Tactic Part 2:  Saying, “Dad?   Nothing!”

Secret Keeping Tactic Part 3:  Saying, “We’re not painting anything for you, Dad.”

Secret Keeping Tactic Part 4:  Deciding that as long as Dad is in the next room, we can feel free to scream out every detail regarding the secret craft at the top of our lungs.  And when I say “our” lungs, I mean “Ruby and Emma’s” lungs.

So I set the kids up with their secret craft, and I got to work on my grocery list.  While I was coming up with the list I overheard the word “tattoo” several times, but it didn’t really sink in.  Until I turned around to find this:

I think I would have been more mad if it didn’t suit them so well.  Like, really, they look pretty cool right?

Anyway, here’s what went down:

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The F-Words Monster Stuffie Giveaway!

So every Christmas I make most of my gifts.  Because I have the time?  No.  Because I am cheap?  Partially.  Because I’m completely nuts?  Bingo!  Anyway, this past Christmas I made these little monster stuffies for my kiddles.

The big ones stand about 18-inches tall and they all double as a pillow.  They’re super sturdy and they’re customized for each kid.

Ruby is our resident princess, so hers is the pink one with hearts and bows.

HELP! I have been feminized against my will!

Emma’s is the orange and blue one.  She loves owls (hence the fabric) and clenching things (mostly hair but that’s another post altogether) with her fingers, while touching it with her thumb.  Weird…but that’s why I put those horns on it – for her to hold onto.

Great. I can’t WAIT to have my horns constantly held and crushed. A monster stuffie’s dream come frickin’ true.

Then Ben is a boy (not unfortunately named girl, duh) so his is blue and small.  He was 9-months at the time and well let’s be honest, at 9-months you aren’t exactly a personality showcase so I wasn’t sure how else to customize it.

I am a blank slate. You may recognize me from my aliases, “boring” and “dull.”

Okay so I just reread this and it totally sounds like I’m bragging.  But it’s not just plain old bragging if you have a point, right?  Well here’s the point.

You, my friend, stand a very good chance at becoming the owner of your own, customized doll!

Okay…stop screaming with joy already and I’ll tell you how to enter.

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The Importance of the Mud Puddle

Yesterday it was HOT here.  Like firey bowels of Hell hot…but with a humidex.  Anyway, we got out the trusty sprinkler to cool off.

Of course, this happened.

And then everyone wanted in on the fun.

See?  My eco-kids are all about sustainability.  They moved the mud puddle that would have eventually been absorbed by the ground, into the plastic (now dented) lid to their sandbox.  Smarties.

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Thank you for reading my MULTI-award-winning blog!

From this point forward I will only answer to “Adele.”  I just got two more awards!  Lookie me!

The first is The Reader Appreciation Award which I received from Coffee Powered Mom (again!) because she rules.

And the other is the Versatile Blogger Award from my humour-hero Lisa at Lisa’s Rant.  Seriously, check it out.  Short, hilarious rants.

Of course, as seems to be the case with most blogging awards, they each come with a set of rules.

So I’ve thanked my nominators (but not because this stupid list told me to!  I’m genuinely grateful!) so that one’s done.  I think I can do the “answer 10 questions” AND the “tell everyone 7 things” rule in one swoop.  I’m efficient like that.

Are you ready for the questions?

Yes. I’m not sure if that was actually one of the questions…but I am.

What is your favourite colour?

Black.  Because that’s what I see right before I finally sleep…and sleep is the new party to me.

What is your favourite animal?

This one:

It’s Nicolas Cage, and it’s a cat. Win!

What is your favourite non-alcoholic drink?

Water.  Or the Super-Serum Captain America drinks.  You can get it on special order.

Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter?

I like blending the two.  Then I can pretend that I’m “friends” with “Rainn Wilson.”

What is your favourite pattern?

The sleep-for-eleven-consecutive-hours pattern that Ben performs sometimes.

Do you prefer giving or getting presents?

I prefer getting presents…for my kids!  Haha…you thought I was a selfish, greedy-pants for a minute there!  But getting doesn’t hurt either.

What is your favourite number?

Ten.  Because it is the number of questions I am required to answer to get this award.

What is your favourite flower?

I like gerber daisies.  They just look relentlessly happy.

What is your passion?

Answering questions about myself.  It’s very rewarding.  It’s late…I’m cheeky.

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